The Easiest Language in the World

Of course this is just a matter of opinion and can therefore be taken with a liberal sprinkling of salt…

In fact, now is probably time for me to confess that I studied Spanish for three years at school, and then again for six months prior to the big move; and was still utterly incapable of forming more than the simplest of sentences in the wonderful language of Cervantes.

So nobody was more flabbergasted than me by how quickly and easily I found myself picking it up once  in Mallorca.

It appeared that, contrary to expectations, I had quite the ear for languages which was perhaps the key, for I have not and never have had a logical brain.

You can sit me in front of a blackboard for time immemorial explaining patiently all there is to know about regular verbs, non-regular verbs, sentence construction and gender, and it will flutter harmlessly and ineffectually over my head before drifting out of sight like a herd of aimless butterflies.

(Unfortunately this applied to practically any subject I was faced with, which is entirely to blame for my notoriously inauspicious passage through all hallowed places of learning.)

The first thing to remember about Castilian Spanish (castellano) is that it is wonderfully logical; the pronunciation more than anything. How, I wonder, do foreigners make sense of English? It is the international language of business, travel and indeed almost everything, but that is due more to historical and geographical considerations rather than the ease with which it can actually be learnt.

I will never forget an example I once read of how inconsistent the English language can be…

The word ‘fish’ can quite legitimately be spelt ‘ghoti’; simply take the ‘gh’ from ‘enough’, the ‘o’ from ‘women’ and the ‘ti’ from ‘fruition’ and there you have it!

I think that this (together with the pronunciation of ‘Leicester’ and ‘Slough’ as opposed to ‘feign’ and ‘enough’) is quite sufficient evidence that we should not be putting people through the indignity of the English language any longer.

Long live Esperanto!

In Spanish, it is truly a case of what you see is what you get, and once you have learnt the correct pronunciation of the alphabet, you are good to go. So here is a short lesson to set you on your way:

Your Handy Twelve-Point Guide to Spanish Pronunciation

The double ‘l’ makes an English ‘y’ sound, so Mallorca is ‘my-orca’, Marbella is ‘mar-bay-a’,  paella is ‘pie-ay-ya’ and castellano is ‘cas-tay-yano’.

In most parts of Spain, the ‘v’ is given a ‘b’ sound, so Valencia becomes ‘ba-len-thia.’ (In some parts of Southern Spain and almost all of Latin America, you would hear more of the English ‘v’ sound).

In most parts of Spain, the ‘z’ and also the ‘c’ (although the latter only when before ‘i’ or ‘e’) makes an English ‘th’ sound. So cerveza would be ‘ther-vetha’ and Zaragoza ‘tha-ra-gotha’. Again in some parts of Southern Spain and this time all of Latin America, these letters are given an ‘s’ sound so gracias is ‘gra-cee-ass’ and Venezuela ‘ben-iss-wayla’.

The ‘ñ’ sounds a little like ‘nya’ and for this one I will use an example which could get you into trouble if you get it wrong: un año ‘an-yo’ is a year, however un ano is an anus. Very important not to forget the squiggle, it can change the meaning of a word alarmingly, or simply render it meaningless.

An accent in Spanish indicates where the emphasis should be on a word, it has nothing to do with the pronunciation of the letter itself, contrary to the French accents. So Benalmádena is therefore ‘ben-al-MAD-en-a’ and not I repeat not ‘benul-mud-EEN-a’ as I have heard it murdered more times than I care to remember.

The letter ‘o’ in Spanish is always as in ‘top’ and never as in ‘piano’, even when it is at the end of the word.

‘D’ is much softer than in English (you put your tongue between your teeth) when at the beginning or middle of a word, but is almost ‘th’ when at the end. So ciudad (city) is ‘thee-oo-dath’ and verdad (truth) is ‘ber-dath’.

The letter ‘h’ is always silent so hola is ‘ola’ and Huelva is ‘wel-ba’.

‘J’ is the Spanish ‘h’, if slightly more guttural, so the word hija (daughter) is pronounced ‘ee-ha’ and juego (game) is ‘hway-go’.

The letter ‘g’ can also be an English ‘h’ when put before ‘i’ or ‘e’ so gitano is ‘hee-tano’ and gente (people) is ‘hen-tay. Before all consonants as well as an ‘a’ or ‘o’ or ‘u’ it is hard so gato (cat) and gusto (taste) are ‘ga-toe’ and ‘goos-toe’. However, ‘gue’ with no accent makes a hard English ‘g’ sound as in ‘gas’, but with an umlaut present ‘güe’ you pronounce the u, so San Miguel is ‘san-mi-gel’ but vergüenza (embarrassment) is ‘ber-wen-tha.’

The ‘i’ in Spanish has an ‘ee’ sound, hence why Spaniards tend to say ‘sheep’ when the actually mean a large, floating mode of transport, and ‘sheet’ when they wish to swear (or defecate).  Thus Ibiza is ‘ee-bee-za’ and niño (boy) ‘nee-nyo.’

When speaking Spanish (“correctly,” which therefore immediately excludes most of the population of Andalucía) every letter must be pronounced.

One last additional word must be added to this list – the friend I am adding it for will know very well who she is… In amongst those beautiful Islas Canarias in the Atlantic, is a wee speck of land called Fuerteventura.

Should you ever wish to discuss this particular island, or even visit it, please note that is most definitely NOT pronounced future-ven-chura, not now, not ever.

The correct pronunciation is ‘fwer-tay-ben-too-ra’. Thank you.

So with this in mind, go forth and habla!